Tailing off

I haven't posted in a few days. Twould be easy enough not to, and to let this project end before it's even started. The thing is - I'm really tired. I don't have anything clever / useful to say. I've been reading back through the Broken of Britain blog, and I remembered this post the "We're fine" update.

I just got an email from one of my best friends who's just got out of the hospital, another has just moved away from home to start work, because the MTAS system is crap. I feel helpless here, so far away. But, let's face it - I've been lying on the sofa for 3 hours, desperate for a pee, not quite able to stand up, let alone find the energy to negotiate the stairs up to the loo - so I'd be as much use as a chocolate teapot even if I was at home.

I'm not really ok. I've had rather an onslaught of symptoms the last few weeks / couple of months, and here I am, exhausted. I'm worried that my mood's not quite behaving, but it's kind of hard to tell, because nothing else is behaving either. I wish I had got signed off sick for my elective as was offered, I can't afford to keep feeling like this.

I'm so happy. Really, deeply happy. This isn't either/or, it's some weird and. I don't understand how deep happiness and deep sorrow can go together, but they do.

I might not post for a few days, unless I type up a few of the posts I've got scribbled in my notebook (so much for modern technology, right...)

In the meantime if you have anything you'd like me to post about, or if you want to write a post about your experience of the NHS - good or bad, as patient, carer, medic or other professional who works in or with the NHS - please send them to my brand new email disabledmedic[funnyAthing]hotmail[dotcodotuk] . Thanks for all of your comments and encouragement so far =)

p.s. I wrote this post some hours ago now, and have since been rescued, had a wee and a cuddle (not at the same time), and am feeling a bit less woebegone.