Thursday 30 June 2011

"Cheer up love, it might never happen"

The last couple of days I've had a fever. That, combined with the marginally hot weather has really pissed off my malfunctional autonomic nervous system. I've spent the last two days with a seated pulse in the region of 120-150, temperature regulation all over the shop and feeling sick. I haven't been in to placement, being as fainting on patients tends to be frowned upon.

I decided to keep my hydro(therapy) appointment, because I hate wasting appointment time. I warned the physio I was having an "ultra-bendy" day, and he seemed to get the picture pretty quickly when both wrists, elbows, shoulders, patellas (patellae?), hips, and several ribs all needed relocating at least once. He said it was useful to see how bad things could be, which is good I think. But then I passed out climbing out of the pool, and had to do some fast talking to not end up in A/E.

Then on the way home, the bus driver didn't stop at my stop, even though I had rung the bell, and then rung it again as he obviously made to not stop. He let me off at the traffic lights because a lady shouted at him for me. This proved to be the last straw for my tear ducts, so I was walking forlornly back to the flat leaking from the eyes, prompting an it-might-never-happen attack from a passer by.

Had I been more coherent and less snotty, I would have been inclined to ask him why exactly he thought I was walking down the street in tears if "it" hadn't already happened.

I get extremely frustrated when I am discriminated against by people refusing to meet my needs, but I am not given to self pity. I would just like to get on with the life I find myself in, thanks. Not that I'm some kind of saint or anything. I've had a few I-just-want-it-to-be-easier crying sessions, but, actually, having a diagnosis at last has made things more cope-able.

What is this "it" to which he was referring? Yes, I am engaged to a beautiful, caring, smart and infinitely capable women, yes I am writing this with a blissed out cat on my feet eating a takeaway (no, my cat is not eating a takeaway), yes I have an education and the chance to do a job that I'm really passionate about, and the best friends and family I could ever ask for. Nothing cancels any of those things out, but I am also coming to terms with a new, life-changing diagnosis, and learning to cope with chronic pain and its friends.

There are worse "it"s, but this is mine, for now. And if you really want to cheer me up, I suggest providing me with one of the following : dark chocolate with ginger bits in, cherry tea, a hug, a hot wheat bag, a compliment on my awesome stripy stick, a new craft project or a vegan cookbook.

Edited to add : cherry tea and a hot wheat bag have just appeared in front of me, and a vegan cookbook is winging its way to us. I love my mrs =)

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